Tag Archive for 'children'

Loving Your Kids Without Losing Your Mind Part 1

Published
by
Pam
on July 16, 2008
in General
. 10 Comments

Today’s home life with its constant activity,schedules, demands and interruptions, can be so chaotic. Chaos can lead to stress as we all know.That stress can cause many moms or dads who work at home to give up that stay at home goal, even when money is not a factor. Why? Aren’t outside jobs chaotic too?

I believe that one reason is, outside jobs have systems in place to manage chaos. This allows productivity that can be measured. When productivity is measured, it allows a sense of accomplishment. When praised for accomplishment; it can be, to many, as rewarding as a paycheck.

When chaos is managed, it is also easier to focus, thus reducing stress. So, how is it done, and can it be done at home? The following is a list that helps me get more things done, keep them done, and still run an in home daycare full of constant change and interruption with a smile.

Set goals
This works in so many areas from keeping the every day tasks done to taking the kids out on trips. It also helps to work with lists. When you see that many of the things you needed to do are getting done, it keeps up morale. It also helps you to stay on track in the midst of many interruptions.

T.V. VS Music
T.V. slows things down, so plan it to your advantage. I used to let the T.V.stay on while the children were in play time but I found that the divided attention it caused was negative on myself as well as the children. I switched to instrumental music and found that the children treated each other better and played games that were more focused and for longer periods of time.

Phones
Managing phone calls can be tricky. Concentration on the conversations that you are having with your children is important. It is a good idea to have the ringer on a lower volume in certain parts of the day.It is also a good policy to finish conversations you are having with your children completely before answering and getting involved with another one. Having distinctive ringtones will help this if you have calls that are a strong priority.

Activities
The more activities you plan for children in and outside of the home, the less you will tear your hair out from the activities that the children come up with while you are busy else where. Art projects, sports,
field trips, board games, things that encourage communication skills, all make for a great day. I try to alternate these activities with play time and coordinate my work this way. I have some projects going at my kitchen table while I am cooking and also when cleaning after meals. These projects vary by age group but can include coloring, clay, word games Lego, magnetic puzzles, picture puzzles, paint with water, Colorforms, or paper dolls. I started this so that I would know that the children were doing something constructive while I was cooking. I do not use a microwave and so this takes time. I also noticed that even the picky eaters were hungry when they smelled the food for a while before it was served!! This method also makes it easy to take the children out to eat. they are used to sitting together at the table and do not try to run though restaurants.

Teamwork
Years ago I told my children that if we worked together to keep things done, I would have more time to do the fun stuff like swimming and parks. We decided who would take what jobs, when they needed to be done, and of course we had more time for the fun stuff. I still use this method today with my daycare children. Since the effort is rewarded we have a fun time doing the jobs, and I am not doing it all at the end of a long day, burned out. This leaves me some time at the end of the day for my stuff!!

Quiet Time
I have found that it helps me renew my energy and focus to have quiet time at a planned point in the day, especially since those days are often 12+hrs. long or better.I use this time to read, pray, answer calls, or just enjoy the quiet. When the children are small this is of course at nap time. When the children are a bit bigger, I have them rest and watch a video, shortly after lunch. Just as they take breaks in the outside work place, breaks at home work wonders. I am more productive this way which more than justifies the short time taken for the break.

Do you have methods successful in managing chaos ? Please click the title of this post and share them in the comments section.
In the future of this series, I will discuss;
Maintaining your health in the midst of business
Continuing your personal growth
Communication on the run
Consistency, the discipline that leads to less punishment.

Music, Vitamins, And Autism; Part Two

Published
by
Pam
on April 15, 2008
in General
. 5 Comments

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It is said that there is more than one way to solve a problem, for us, this was true with autism.The following story is our shift from prescription medication, to alternative vitamin therapy. The results were amazing!

When the child that I had mentioned in my last post began to show signs of autism, I both recognized it and had great compassion as I had fought to find answers for the youngest of my three sons years before. When my son was 18 mos. old, we bought a house and moved to a new part of town. Up until that point, my son was the most easy going of my three children. I thought that I was becoming an accomplished parent as my other children were bright and athletic. I had many great years working with children in my daycare and at church.

In the business of moving, changing schools, updating shots and dental work, getting settled and meeting new neighbors, my youngest son began to change. At first we thought that he was just unsettled with his new surroundings. My older boys were having their own adjustments as well, but as they grew more settled, my youngest grew worse. My calm happy child was now fearful, picky, and would throw tantrums over nothing.We could not reason with him. My friends told me that he was in the “terrible two” stage but I had taken care of so many two year old children by that time, I knew better.

One Sunday, we went to pick up my son from his class, which had a new couple as teachers. The wife took me aside and told me that I should take my son to a specialist because he had signs of autism. I politely told her that I didn’t think so and kept as straight a face as possible. I was furious!! How dare she put a label like that on my child! Denial was one of my biggest roadblocks. In my mind, I thought of complaining to the pastor, finding a way to prove her wrong or just never going back. This was nearly 20 years ago, there was little information or support at that time.

On my son’s next check-up at our pediatrician’s office, I was given the news that I had dreaded. The doctor began to talk with me while my son was all over the room. I would tell him to sit down and he would. As soon as I would turn to listen to the doctor, he would spring up again. Finally the doctor told me, you can quit telling him to sit down now, he can’t. My son, who was now 4yrs. old, not only couldn’t sit down if others were talking, he could not bounce a ball, could not balance on a bike, could not color, could not sit to be read to, could not play back and forth outdoor games like catch or frisbee, could not swallow cold cereal with milk on it, and was full of the strangest fears.

My heart sank as the doctor wrote out a prescription, I walked out of his office determined to find some answers. I got on my knees and cried out to God because I didn’t want my son to have a lifetime of medication . The first thing that came to me was that if I was dealing with something like diabetes, I would have no problem giving medication, which broke the stigma that I was dealing with. I decided that I would give the medication a try while still looking for answers.

I just so happened to have a friend who was opening a health food and vitamin store. She allowed me to pour through her books. I searched out information from Europe, where more nutrition was used rather than medication for many things. In the meantime, my son began to balance on a bike for the first time. After three weeks on medication, he had a short window of time where his handwriting appeared, he could reason when he did not get his way, his fears lessoned and he could eat cereal with milk.

The medication was working, but it had some unacceptable side effects. His appetite dwindled to almost nothing, he lost too much weight, and had deep dark circles under his eyes. When his medication entered his system, he would cry and his heart would race. When the medication was wearing off, he was very agitated. Having seen the positive effects of the medication, I now knew what results to look for from alternative treatments.

I began to decrease my son’s medication while introducing vitamins and herbs instead. The vitamins and herbs had the same positive effects as far as battling the symptoms, but they did not cause the side effects, such as loss of appetite and increased heart rate. For us, this was the way to go. I have since shared this method with others and with wonderful results. The list will be at the end of the story with the proper disclaimer of course.

Returning to the story of the boy in my daycare, the father came in one day and asked me how my day had been. When I described his son’s behavior and shared with him that vitamins may help, he took the list and went shopping that day. Sure enough within two weeks, the boy was far more reasonable, could look at his hands when doing something, began to have normal speech, and enjoyed playing with toys rather than just holding one or throwing one. The mother let me know that her son was fine and he really did not need this but she went along with it since it would not hurt him. I am sure you all can guess what came next.

The 60 day vitamin supply began to run out, no refills came and in about two weeks the old behavior returned. The mother came to pick up her son and could not get him to put on his coat. He would not listen, he hit her, and he took his arms out of his coat as soon as she put them in. It took two of us to get his coat on and he screamed all the way to the car as if he had been wounded, yet neither of us raised our voices or punished him in any way. On the way home she called me and asked for the vitamin list. Now, after two years on vitamins, one would never guess that the old behavior ever existed.

I am not a doctor, I am a determined mom. I can not make any medical claims here. If you consider trying the list I am giving here, I recommend consulting your doctor. Do not take your child off of medication without your doctor’s permission. Some school age children are taken off their medication by their doctor for the summer, this could be a good time to see if this vitamin therapy would work for you. If your child is on additional medication for other conditions, take your list to your doctor. In some cases, though very rare, vitamins may not blend well with a particular medicine.

  1. All natural multi vitamin with selenium - One good brand is Thompson’s check your brand carefully synthetic vitamins can make your child hyper as an allergic reaction selenium is said to attach itself to heavy metals and pull them from the body
  2. Evening primrose oil - can be bought in gel caps has almost no taste and can be put in applesauce, is said to coat raw nerve endings
  3. Choline inositol - B vitamin that is said to increase oxygen to the brain
  4. Huperzine-A - An herb that is said to increase dopamine and improve short term memory the reason for ritalin is to increase dopamine

The amounts are determined by body weight. Most of these will have instructions to take morning and evening. If you can not figure the amount for the weight of your child, ask your doctor, nurse or pharmacist.

This is what worked for us, you may have found even more answers, if so I would love to hear them. The more we share, the more we learn, the stronger together we become.

Daddy-Mom The Emerging Breed

Published
by
Pam
on March 8, 2008
in General
. 6 Comments

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Has anyone noticed more and more single dads with full custody of even tiny children? To see this is encouraging, though I am sorry to see so many broken homes. As a daycare owner, I have had the opportunity of late to work with several of these dads and, having spent several years as a single mom, I have been both compassionate and amused.

One of my daycare parents was a man who had first endured a divorce where his ex-wife had the full custody of their two daughters. He had little compassion for the load she was carrying and was resentful of the support payments he was making. He married again a much younger woman who, through unfortunate circumstances, left him with full custody of two small children, one of which was less than a year old.

The first thing he noticed was how expensive it is to come up with a safe reliable daycare in order to work without worrying all day. He then saw first hand the clothing and medical expenses and realized that he used to complain that women just liked to spend money. Soon, he realized that after working all day, it left very little social time, and to do anything, it involved even more childcare which also meant even less time for the children who needed so much attention already, having been away from him all week.

I think one thing that was cute yet sad was when he came in to ask advice because his children were starting to call him Mommy. How many of us who have been single parent women have lived this in reverse! My response was, “You are Mommy, and Daddy, one day your children, though confused right now,will realize that you loved them enough to take up both rolls rather than to pursue your own ambitions or conveniences, and they will be able to say thank you.” Should this man ever marry again, I can tell you that he will be a much better father and husband.

For all you single Dads out there facing this roll, stand strong, the sacrifice will be worth the effort. Even if your children go through a season of struggle, you will always know it is not because you left them, and when that season is over, you will have a relationship anchored in faithfulness and earned trust. I salute you !